by Ida Lawrence
Our children are beyond us; even if they haven’t grown into it yet, they will take some aspect of us onward. At age five my mother asked me to pray to a male presence in the sky for forgiveness and mercy. I did as she asked. I don’t mind that I did that… it gave both of us peace.
Now let’s take the same moment forward and I’ll respond again: “Mom, how about if I pray to us instead. The universe is holographic and my mind is a hologram… so is yours: perfect and complete replicas of the whole. God is in Me and You too. Will you offer me forgiveness and mercy? I love you.”
Feeling is energy, and the transmission of feeling is much stronger than words. Had I been able to express the consciousness of divinity within as a child, my mother would have felt fear… both for herself and for me. Oh how she feared the specter of divine punishment for ‘diminishing’ God into human form… or did she? It’s possible she feared contradicting or diminishing my father’s belief. We want to be loved, we want to please, and we fear ‘deep-level’ revelations that may result in emotional pain.
Children will naturally do their best to accommodate the culture they are born into and they will absorb the feeling: they are vulnerable and an empty book… but not quite. They’re not empty of their higher selves. Someone is in there questioning, ‘knowing’ in an innocent way, noticing things, asking questions, and rebelling a bit. There is someone who wants to Be, but who doesn’t know ‘Battle’.
I’ve come to realize how fortunate I am in that my early upbringing offered parents that were just right for my journey; plus abundant nature, companionship and many spiritual concepts upon which to expand later in life. Returning within the spiral, after years of transmuting childhood experiences through adult relationships, what remains to be examined is my mother’s fear and my father’s heavy heart: the imbalance of masculine and feminine.
On a book stand in my home is a little ruby red candy dish. It’s one of my mother’s things… an object that I have carried with me for years. She, like the ruby candy dish, was a colorful container for sweetness and enjoyment. But something happened to temper her joy. I can look back and say imbalance… separation, made fearsome by a male God and the epic sin of Eve, but was that it? Was that all of it?
Every human is the sum of their aspects: only waiting to be re-membered. And, duality is the foundation of creation. We have believed ourselves separate… masculine and feminine. But within each individual we find both the masculine and feminine polarities: the yang and the yin, the light and the dark, the thought and the feeling, the single ‘I’ and the ‘I and I’. The kingdom of God is within. We have heard the masters say that… but do we all know that?
We must not know it quite yet. We are now in a world so far out of balance that we are facing obliteration. Why did the world begin to tip, and then tip more and more in order to reach this point where we actually see the devastating result and ask the question?